Priorities

Sometimes you must choose

Between a joy and a duty.

Rarely are they one.

Recently I've learned

That these aren't even haikus.

Americans, huh?

Old games

Still fun

Story

So here's a story I wrote that's loosely based on an episode of my childhood. Fans of Patrick McManus will notice his influence.

Though this happened when I was far shorter—perhaps about two feet ago—I can still remember using my neighbor’s sofa as a barricade. Behind me, people were whimpering and quaking in fear. What was I doing, you ask?

I was smirking devilishly.

What led me to this point of reveling in the despair and fear of those around me, you ask? Well, it all started with a dark night, a power outage, and two bored boys.

“You want to ask if we can leave?” My big brother, Andrew said as we sat in church.

“Ya,” I said, “I really don’t understand why we have to go to church at night anyway.”

The reason was series of evangelistic meetings to which my parents seemed intent on taking their children every night. I think we tried to get our minds around the concept, but you really can’t sufficiently explain to two fidgety, pre-tween boys why something that has so far been reserved for once a week is suddenly creeping into their dam-building time.

A few minutes and some whiny, insincere promises later, Andrew and I were happily plodding along the dirt road to our house in the dark.

“I’m glad we got out of there,” Andrew said.

“Me too,” I said. That was usually the safe answer.

“Hey,” Andrew suddenly said, “there’s a light on at the Giebel’s place!”

I looked. “It’s just a candle,” I said, a little annoyed at being tricked for a second into believing the power had come back on.

“Come on,” Andrew said, “let’s go see why they weren’t good children and going to the meeting.”

“We’re not at the meeting,” I said as I followed.

Andrew rolled his eyes as he often did at my naïvite. I cowered for a moment. I really should have known by now that the older brother is always smarter, but I just kept opening my big mouth. When would I learn?

Like two pale shadows in the night, Andrew and I crept along the side of the Giebels’ house. We could hear voices when we got close to the window with the candle. Soon we could make out words. It turned out that it wasn’t just the two Giebel girls, Strep and Gami, inside but their friends, Zarre and Berre, as well.

“I’m scared in the dark,” Zarre was saying, “I’m afraid that thieves will come.”

“N-no,” Strep stammered. She was the older of the Giebel girls and always seemed to think that she was the closest thing any of her friends had to grown-up influence, “There won’t be any thieves coming tonight.”

A big, slow grin came across my brother’s face as he turned around to look at me. I couldn’t help but notice that his eyes had turned the color of crazy. I decided that it would be best if I grinned too.

Then we had a quick, wordless conversation.

Seth? He said.

Ya? I said.

You know what we have to do, don’t you?

Me too! I said. I was slowly learning that this response didn’t always work.

We have to scare them, that’s what! Andrew said, not even noticing my faux pas.

Great! I said.

You’re a great little brother, Andrew said.

“You mean it?” I whispered out loud.

Andrew scowled. “What are you talking about?” He hissed.

“Nothing,” I said. Andrew wasn’t always privy to our wordless conversations.

Then we started grunting and scuffing our feet and doing everything that we thought a thief might do. Apparently, someone inside thought these were things a thief might do as well, because we were immediately rewarded with a thump that sounded like someone falling off the top bunk of a bunk bed and landing on another someone.

Our suspicions were later confirmed when the girls were relating their harrowing experience. “I fell off the top bunk of the bunk bed and landed on Strep!” Berre said later. Andrew and I then nodded our understanding. We had suspected as much.

Shortly after our first attempt at sounding like thieves, two more friends came walking down the dark road. Keegan and Rain, the children of the Skau family, had apparently skipped out on the meeting as well.

“Hi,” Andrew said to them in a conspiratorial tone, “You guys want to help scare Strep and the others?”

“I’m in,” Keegan said. He was the older of the two and usually killed such things immediately, but for some reason he was in that night.

“Me too,” said Rain. I smiled at her proudly. I had taught her that one.

And so I watched my last hope of getting to be early dwindle. Oh well, I thought, at least I know that this is a good idea. All the older kids are going for it.

It was quickly decided that Rain should go inside to be a double agent. I felt not a bit slighted because I had always wanted to be a double agent even since I had heard of them five seconds earlier.

“Hey, let’s go pretend like we’re breaking in the backdoor!” Keegan said.

“Ya, let’s go!” Andrew said.

“I wanted to be a double agent,” I said.

Andrew scowled, “What was that?”

“Backdoor!” I said, “Yay!”

We were soon at the backdoor, scuffling around for all we were worth.

Then we saw Arkadas; the Giebels’ spotted Australian cattle dog with jaws slightly less powerful than a trash compacter.

Another wordless conversation ensued.

Hi, Arkadas said.

Hi, Andrew said, would you be willing to bark at us so that the girls think we’re strange men trying to break in?

A sadistic smile came over Arkadas as well, and I noticed that the color crazy looked far better on a dog.

Gami would later say that she knew Arko was faking it. I would tell her that she was a little too smart for her own good and that she should stop asking questions and spoiling it for everyone else. Of course, that might have been another wordless conversation.

While Arko continued to snarl and bark, I had decided that it was time to speak up.

“Hey,” I said, “won’t the girls get suspicious if none of the guys are around? They might figure out who’s scuffling around and making dogs bark.”

“That’s smart,” Keegan said. I don’t know why he sounded surprised. “You go in and see what’s going on.”

So I did. That had been what I wanted all along. I had been getting bored with the outside job ever since I had discovered that there was an inside one. Once inside, I had been hoping to be able to crash on the Giebels’ couch, but was instead forced to listen to Strep and Rain’s makeshift battle plan.

“We’re gonna kick ‘em where it counts!” They said.

“Great,” I said.

It quickly grew boring pretending to be scared as Keegan and Andrew continued to shuffle outside, but things got interesting again when they threw in a twist—knocking on the front door.

“Hey,” Andrew said, “what are you girls up to?”

I, of course, let the slight on my masculinity slide for the sake of the joke, and Keegan and Andrew were hurriedly ushered in and informed of the situation.

“There are thieves outside!” Strep said.

Andrew and Keegan put on their pathetic attempts at scared faces. I was disgusted. They had obviously not practiced beforehand like I had at all. Then again, they didn’t have an older brother waiting around every corner to help them practice.

“Quick!” Keegan said, “I think I heard something outside.”

Candles were blown out and everyone dove behind a piece of furniture. I huddled with the girls behind the couch in the middle of the room, while Andrew and Keegan crouched in front of us by the window, but I tried to be near the older boys in case I was needed. I hoped I would be needed.

We boys were smiling at the fear in the room, until we began to sense just how frightened everyone was. These girls thought they were going to die! Did we really want to scar them like that?

“I’m scared!” Strep said from behind Rain.

“This is great!” I heard Andrew whisper, “We’re probably scarring them for life!”

“Ya,” Keegan said, “but we should probably stop. We don’t want them tattling to our parents.”

“Okay,” Andrew said, “let’s stand up and tell them it was a joke.”

I thought about mentioning the fact that they were right against the window and from where the girls were huddled in the middle of the room it might look like they were people standing up to break in through the window from the outside, but I thought better of it. I needed to learn that bigger kids knew what they were doing.

“It’s alright, girls,” Keegan said, standing up, “It’s only…”

Later that night, Andrew and I were getting ready for bed. “Is it louder when girls scream at the same time?” I asked.

“What?” Andrew said. I carefully mouthed the words for him again while he was looking at me. “Oh,” he said, “probably. That sounds like one of Newton’s laws of sound or something.”

I nodded, impressed at how my brother knew so much. “Do you think we should help replace the shattered windows?” I asked.

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Come on, Seth. What would Jesus do? I’m more concerned about Arkadas.”

“Ya,” I said, “Do you think he’ll ever stop whimpering and clawing at his ears?”

“I hope so,” Andrew said, “I didn’t mean for him to get caught up in all this. I always felt so bad whenever his head started twitching.”

“So,” I said as we crawled into our respective beds, “are we gonna talk about the fact that the girls turned out to be witches?”

Andrew shook his head. “I think everyone’s decided to leave that alone. But ya, that was the scariest part of the whole evening; the way the girls levitated and ran in the air like that. Best not to talk about it though. Maybe the girls don’t know we saw them use their magic.”

I nodded again. “Good night, Andrew,” I said.

“Good night, Seth,” he said.

“Hey, Andrew,” I said.

“Ya?” he said.

“What are we going to do tomorrow?”

“Well,” he said, “I was thinking we could build a tree house without any adult supervision in the bendy tree out front.”

“Me too!” I said.

What?

How do I still have so much to do?

Well...

So I'm tired of all these one-liners,

But can't think of something much finers.

So I'll ramble on, reminisce on times gone,

And limerick all of you whiners.

I just used 'limerick' as a verb! I like fruit!

...Now I'm thinking of times gone.

...Was anyone really whining?

Breaks

They delay the monotonous.

Right Place, Right Time

Am I in the right place? What time is it?

Ethical question

Do I have the right to kill the people I invent?

Sick

It seems I'm perpetually on the verge of sickness.

I fight it off, and then it comes back.

How was 'sick' ever made into a good word?

'Day off'

Sometimes a day off just reminds you that you still have so many things to do.

What do you do then?

You either give up your day off or let your life unravel.

So much for days off.

Fresh

Gotta keep it fresh.

Past and present mesh.

What's mine in the story

Of young Nadon-Kesh?

Don't know that I know

Something I follow.

Was it plagiarized?

Will it hurt my flow?

In the end I think

All is on the brink

Of being overdone.

I'll copy, then I'll wink.

Because it's not the same.

It's all part of the game

Of making something new.

We all know what's been lame.

And so what's tried and true

Comes 'round again as new.

And what's passed off as fresh

Is a spoonful of old stew.

Sleep

I haven't been sleeping well. It makes me see the world differently. I don't think I like it.

Bluff

What if I told you there was not beast in here with me; no darkness, inner demons, or doubts?

Would you believe that my mind is my own; that no whispers assault my thoughts or seek to supplant my will?

Would you take me at my word that I've never faced a moment of self-hate or indulged in a shadowy daydream?

Or would you call my bluff?

Wow, that turned out way darker than I thought it would. The bottom line, I guess, is that I'm human, but then, you would have guessed that if you knew me. And the rest of you don't have to know me to guess as much either.

Let's try this

So, here goes a bit of free verse.

I don't know if I like it.

I like a bit of structure in my writing;

Structure and constraints.

It's almost as if I feel more free

When I know what's expected of me.

See that? I didn't even mean to rhyme.

My mind apparently just thinks that way.

Well, I usually just start writing a poem

And let the purpose work out itself.

What happens when you don't find one?

You invent one!

Well, I'm too lazy for that,

Which could be a point, I suppose,

But only if I let it be.

Life and Limb

For the sake of one, I go out on the other.

Something

If I am a man with an issue

I'll cry, and you'll hand me a tissue.

But if I'm just alright

You'll look on in spite

And pout, but then won't let me kiss you.

'Cause people are always impeded

By thinking that they are not needed.

So let's share our loads

Help smooth our friends' roads

And guide someone when they need leaded.

Eventually

Wishes aren't useless.

Dreams aren't unattainable.

They provide purpose.

Things come together.

We pass through purgatory

Into the morning.

Hours pass; days end.

We reach through dark to grasp light

Eventually.

When things get better...if only slightly

Sometimes you have to be content with the small victory. The worst of the barriers is broken; the vilest of a smattering of evils is shattered; the most obtrusive stick in the mud is finally extricated. Perhaps the larger victory will be had one day. Maybe there will be a brighter time without barriers, evils, or brambles in respective mounds of grime. There may be the realization of timid dreams around the next corner.

Or maybe this is all the victory you're gonna get, so enjoy it.